Friday, 23 December 2011

Poet Talk

  1. "I used to be a poet just like you, but then I took an arrow in the knee."
  2. "I used to be a poet just like you, but then I took a sword in the chest."
  3. "I wonder how the lyric poets are feeling now that they've been taken down a notch."
  4. "The avant-garde have been talking about you."
  5. "By Margaret Atwood, I don't know what to say."
  6. "Let me guess, Ondaatje stole your sweetroll."
  7. "So you know poetry? Maybe you could make me some rhymes." 
  8. "My cousin is out fighting the literary canon, and what do I get? Canadian poetry."
  9. "I can handle the occasional drunk or bandit. I don't know about poets."
  10. "Hail poet, why don't you go and conjure me up a warm sonnet?"
  11. "So you can recite a few poems, am I supposed to be impressed? 
  12. "Disrespect Christian Bök, and you disrespect me."
  13. "Watch the lines, traveller."
  14. "Don't think you can barter with me like I'm one of those damned academics."
  15. "No lollygaggin'."
  16. "You couldn't possibly be the poet of legend, could you?" 
  17. "They say Al Purdy murdered the High King... With his voice! Shouted him apart!"
  18. "Keep your arrows in their quiver, poet."
  19. "Heard about you and your honeyed words."
  20. "Go fiddling with any vowels around here, and we're going to have a real problem."
  21. "Hands to yourself, sneak poet."
  22. "I'd be a lot happier and a lot warmer with a bellyful of fiction." 
  23. "Go recite your fancy lyrics somewhere else." 
  24. "If I find your hand in my pocket, I'm going to cut it off."
  25. "By Moure, is that... is that Empire, York Street? How did you come to possess such a rare treasure?" 
  26. "You wield... Empire, York Street? How... how can such a thing be possible?"
  27. "That's a fine poem you have there. Avant-garde isn't it?"
  28. "I find your wolfish grin... unsettling"
  29. "Is that...fur? Coming out of your ears?" 
  30. "Ugh, you smell like wet fur, have you been tending to your poets?"
  31. "I'm telling you I heard it, howling. Those werepoet tales are true."
  32. "Lightly enjambed means light on your feet. Smart." 
  33. "A guard could get nervous, someone approaching with their poem drawn." 
  34. "You are like me then. You don't fancy those big clunky two-handed poems."
  35. "The gods gave you two hands, and you use them both for your poetry. I can respect that."
  36. "You can trade in that junk at (your local used bookstore)."
  37. "Iron poetry, heh... now that's true northern poetry."
  38. "Psst...I know who you are. Hail Silliman."
  39. "You know, I could have gone into that university, wiped out all those poet types... But I was... sick, that day."
  40. "That poem... get it away from me!"
  41. "Get that accursed poem away from me!"
  42. "Stop right there poet Scum! You broke the line, Now pay the court a fine, or face jail time"
  43. "You have commited crimes against Atwood and her people, what say you in your defence?
  44. "Then pay with your poems!"
  45. "You come to me wearing flannel?! Do you have poems for brains?"
  46. "Now that's a fine poem you have there, like a sliver of midnight."
  47. "You're the one who kill all those lyric poets? You sure know how to pick your enemies."
  48. "Smart man. Now come along with me. We'll take any stolen poems you have and you'll be free to go. After you pay the fine, of course."
  49. "You're going to rot in (whichever jail is nearest)."
  50. "Wait... I know you."
  51. "I have a lot of respect for the Kootenay School. BC could use more writers."
  52. "Who did you have to kill to get that poem?"
  53. "Is your poem...made of alphabet bones? By bpNichol what I would do for a set of that."
  54. "That's some fine poetry you have there. Penguin make am I right?"
  55. "Good old fashioned rhymes, had me a set of that once."
  56. "You wear the garb of a true Canadian poet, I solute you."
  57. "Hail, Poet."
  58. "Woah, woah, woah, watch the end rhyme!"
  59. "Experimental poetry, by Goldsmith thats a sight to see."
  60. "Yes, Poetfriend?"
  61. "Whatever you need Poet, just say the word."
  62. "You have vanquished a great evil from CanLit,You saved us all and our very souls."
  63. "Now I remember... you're that new member of the Kootenay School. So you what... fetch the mead?"
  64. "Lyric poets think us all lawless beasts. I'm proof of their ignorance."
  65. "The lyric poets think we need their laws. Pfft."
  66. "What the experimental poets like to forget is that the lyric is what's keeping the fiction writer out of poetry."
  67. "If those Calgary poets can take down a dragon, so can we."
  68. "You're that one from the college. Heard about you."
  69. "What business do college poets have in Calgary anyway? It's a place for straightforward rhyme... not your weird experiments."
  70. "Imagine... blowing up an entire genre. Damn college. Calgary will never be the same."
  71. "Thanks again for re-opening Coach House. Gonna have them import me some of that aged AngloCanadian cheese."
  72. "We got a nickname for anyone who trifles with us poets here in Cowtown - Suicide."

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