Wednesday, 30 January 2013

Krishnan Guru-Murthy Interviews Tarantino About His New Book of Sonnets Entitled Django Unchaineth

"I am my generation's TS Eliot, muthafucka"--QT

KGM: But why are you so sure that there's no link between enjoying violence in poetry and enjoying real violence?
QT: I don't... I'm going to tell you why I'm so sure? Don't ask me a question like that -- I'm not biting. I refuse your question. Ask me a question about poetry. Po-e-try, alright?!
KGM: Why?
QT: Because I refuse your question. I'm not your slave and you're not my master. You can't make me dance to your tune. I'm not a monkey. I'm a poet. These are son-nets, sir. You ever heard of them? Sonnets?
KGM: I can't make you answer anything. I'm asking you interesting questions.
QT: And I'm saying... and I'm saying I refuse. Non serviam, alright? That's from Joyce, okay?
KGM: OK. I was just asking you why. That's fine. But you see, Jamie Foxx has said: "We can't turn our back and say that violence in films, that anything that we do..."
QT: Then you should talk to Jamie Foxx about that. And I think he's actually here, so you can! These are my poems we are talking about. They get real, I admit that. They do. If you can't stand the heat then don't open the book in the kitchen near the fire.
KGM: I'd love to, but, I mean, you know... It's interesting that you have a different view, and I'm just trying to explore that.
QT: And I don't want to! 'Cause I'm here to sell my book of poetry. This is a commercial for my new book of sonnets -- make no mistake.
KGM: So you don't want to talk about anything serious?
QT: What is more serious than sonnets?! I don't want to talk about what you want to talk about. I don't want to talk about the implications of violence in poetry. I haven't wanted... because... The reason I don't want to talk about it: because I've said everything I have to say about it.
If anyone cares what I have to say about it, they can Google me and they can look for 20 years what I have to say about violence in poetry. But I haven't changed my opinion one iota. What I am is a poet that does not flinch from inspecting the depths of humanity's soul--and I do this in sonnet form. In my new book.
KGM: No, but you haven't fleshed it out.
QT: It's not my job to flesh it out. It's my job to write really really good sonnets. If they scare you then go read Billy Collins.
KGM: No, it's my job to try and ask you to. I actually like Billy Col--
QT: And I'm shutting your butt down!
KGM: That's entirely your... that's entirely your right.
QT: This is a commercial for my poems. Don't forget that. "We poets in our youth begin in gladness but thereof in the end come despondency and sadness" That's Wordsworth, sir.
KGM: No, but it's my job to try and explore some serious themes as well.
QT: Wordsworth is serious! Well, I... I invite you to explore some serious themes, but not things that I haven't already been on the record for talking about such as how violence in sonnets is linked to violence in the real world or isn't.
KGM: Well, violence is such a big part of all of your poems, and it's, you know, it's an enjoyable part of your poems for so many people. And that's why I'm talking about this, because, as you know, it's a very sensitive time at the moment. I mean, the vice-president is talking to people in the poem industry today about violence in response to...
QT: And you know where I stand on it.
KGM: Which is that there's no relationship between violence in poetry and violence in real life.
QT: Yes.
KGM: But you haven't said why you think there's no relationship between poetry and violence.
QT: It's none of your damn business what I think about that!
KGM: Well, it's my job to ask you why you think that because...
QT: And I'm saying no! And I'm shutting you down. I'm saying that you are a butt as in a metaphor for you as a person and then I am saying "I am shutting your butt down!" Figur-a-tive language, sir. A poet's weapon--get to know it!
KGM: But you have a responsibility as a poet, surely, to explain a little bit about...
QT: No, I don't have any responsibility to you to explain anything I don't want to. My job is to do voltas, couplets, and quatrains. That's all.
KGM: Not to me but to your readers, to your fans. You know, to people who care about what it is that you're doing in your challenging books of poetry.
QT: They know, they know where I'm coming from with my poems. And I have explained it. And I have explained even what you're talking about. I'm just not giving it to you.
KGM: Why?
QT: Because I don't want to because I've done it already. I have explained this many times in the last 20 years. I just refuse to repeat myself over and over again because you want me to for you and your poetry interview show. And your ratings.
KGM: Well, no, it's not about our ratings. It's...
QT: No, no, it is. It's about you want me to say it for you, for your poetry interview show -- this poetry interview show, right here, right now.
KGM: Well, look, this is a poetry interview programme, it's not an entertainment programme, so we explore serious themes. That's the difference.
QT: Exactly. But you want me to do what I've already done before and I am refusing. Speaketh not to me-eth.
KGM: Fine. That's your right.

Wednesday, 23 January 2013

New William Blake Etching Found

"We think this is from the 'Songs of Experience'"--Blake expert and Manchester university art historian, Dr. Colin Trodd

Tuesday, 22 January 2013

"One Day" Recalled Due to Treacle Poisoning

"That poem made me feel like I was chugging maple syrup"--sick woman
"When it got to the 'crescendoing' part then I smashed my own head with this clock thing"--sick guy

"'Plum blush of dusk'?! My heart ceased pumping in protest. I'm talking about my ACTUAL heart"--sick man

"I'm just a doll but I wanted to become a human just to vomit real barf on that poem"--sick doll

Monday, 21 January 2013

GP's Terminal Poem for Harper Rejected by a Certain News Organization

"I like ominbussy kinds of poetry--thumbs up for those"--Steve Harper

So a certain US news organization has informed us that they cannot publish our terminal poem for Prime Minister Harper because they claim that 1) they did not commission said poem from us; 2) they have never heard of G'Morning Poetry or Prime Minister Harper; and 3) the poem is objectionable because it contains the interjection "eh?" We could go on about the obscenity of a society in which any moron can purchase a high-caloric donut but a tiny vulgar word is considered too dangerous, but instead, we're just going to post the poem here. We hope you like it.

 Entendre what we say:
 You are a jerk, eh?

"Where's my moneydollars?!"--Steve the Harper

Sunday, 20 January 2013

Robert Hughes Returns from Dead to Critique Andy Warhol's Early Drawings

Art critic Robert Hughes, pictured here, has recently returned from the dead
Andy Warhol drawing 3
"This drawing reeks of orangutang ass"--Robert Hughes
Andy Warhol drawing 2
"I wish there was a word that meant 'an artist this bad has no reason to live' and then I'd repeat that word 8 times"--Robert Hughes
Andy Warhol drawing
"Two zombies drawn by a bloody nitwit"--Robert Hughes
Andy Warhol Serious Girl
"Imbefkincilic"--Robert Hughes

Saturday, 19 January 2013

Lines of Poetry as Alternatives to "He Shoots, He Scores!"

William Butler Yeats
"Turning and turning in the widening gyre!"
"A thing of beauty is a joy forever!"
"Shall I compare thee to a summer's day!?"
"I heard a fly buzz when I died!"
"Do not go gentle!"