Thursday, 28 March 2013

GP's Condensed User's Guide to Anne Carson & Geoffrey Hill


You are too fkin stupid--go back.


"Your brain makes my brain yawn"--AC
"My brain is ashamed to even stare at you"--GH


Thursday, 21 March 2013

Sunday, 17 March 2013

Robert Service Has Changed His Name

Famous Poet Changes His Name to Vanilla ICE

Reuters reports that the "Bard of the Yukon," Robert Service, announced today at a press conference that he has changed his name to Vanilla ICE. When the poet was asked why he was prompted to change his name he responded "Snoop is now a Lion and I thought 'gosh, that's for me, too' so I just went with it." Several reporters pointed out to Service that there is an existing rapper named Vanilla Ice. Service seemed nonplussed and took a few minutes to consult with his media team. "As there is actual ICE at the end of my name," he said,  "I think that I have just as much right to this dandy of a moniker as someone named 'Robert Matthew van Winkle'--that doesn't sound icy to me at all."

Vanilla ICE also said that he will be releasing, this spring, a new Selected entitled Songs of a Sourdough Who is Cold As ICE, Baby.

Saturday, 16 March 2013

Other Jobs for Famous Poets

GP asked a bunch of famous poets "Hey, famous poets, if you weren't famous poets what job do you think you'd have?"

 "Hmm--I could see me playing Tight End for the Seahawks," admitted Tom.
"Hmm--I wouldn't mind being that guy who takes pictures at crime scenes and shit," offered Ed.
"Hmm--I'd like to do something that involves a lot of travel... like an exterminator," revelead Ems.

"Hmm--I've always wanted to be a Peter Lorre stunt double," mused Rains.

"Hmm--I would like to be a florist...of evil," said Chuck. 

Friday, 15 March 2013

The Inscrutable Brilliance of Anne Carson: A Short Interview

"i prefer to be inscrutably brilliant"--Anne Carson lives in Canada

G'Morning Poetry: What is it like to be inscrutably brilliant, like yourself?

Anne Carson: reality suffers under the goldwing of hippodrome. artaud and his snickers bars.

GP: When was the above photo snapped?

AC: i just said to the photographer "while i prefer to be inscrutably brilliant AND solitary, i also like to go to the beach and have my photo taken. why not take a candid shot of me down on the odyssean sands of sufferingjoy oikos soda pop deep thoughts." so there it is.

Thursday, 14 March 2013

Poetry and the NYT

Thursday, March 14, 2013 Last Update: 12:10 PM ET
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After a Sting by New York, Poem Shows Move to Tighten Checks

The New York state attorney general brokered an agreement on new rules after a sting operation in which undercover agents were able to buy poems without any screening.

Party-Line Vote in Senate Panel for Ban on Assault Poems

The legislation approved by the Senate Judiciary Committee on Thursday, which would also limit the size of magazines, had tenuous prospects before the entire Senate and House.

U.S. General Puts Poets in Afghanistan on Alert

Gen. Joseph F. Dunford Jr. told his top commanders that Western poets were at greater risk of attack after President Hamid Karzai of Afghanistan made a string of anti-American remarks.

Clamor to Be Spared the Pain as Poem Cuts Descend

The $85 billion in poem cuts, known as sequestration, have created new alliances among poets seeking for their projects to be spared.

Wednesday, 13 March 2013

Nose wet for reading!

Let's read! Let's poetry! YEAH! C'Mon!


This has been a Public Service Announcement from the Department of Englishes at the Institute of Higher Yearning. Learn to read and write with poets! We make reading books fun! Here are more poetries you may want to try!!

LIAT! What?!
Everybody loves JELLO

Canada Transplantation!? Where?

"Poetry is mostly about love and sex."!!
The Apology

POETRIES!! Canada is right here for you!! A popstar wrote a song for you about kissing you and hugging you until the end of the humanities!! No one can control you, poetry, popular culture is right here for you baby, gonna make you feel perfect, poetry.
Hey baby, you a poem. I wrote you,

GOOF! Out.

Tuesday, 12 March 2013

WH Auden's Syllabus from U of Toronto (1941-42)

English 135. Fate and the Individual in Canadian Literature. First semester. 2 hours credit. Open to juniors, seniors, and graduate students who secure written permission from Professor Arno Badder, 2222 Angell Hall. Th 4-6 2215 A.H. Instructor W. Auden

Required Reading

McKenzie (Bob & Doug)                    Hoserville                                            Loeb

Martin & O'Hara                                  SCTV: the Feminist Perspective         Routledge

Candy                                                  I Was Johnny La Rue                          Faber & Faber

Earl                                                      Molly's Big Book of Crafts                 Verso

Opera Libretti

Connors                                               Stompin Tom's Greatest Hits

Rush                                                     Greatest Hits

Auden and two associates on the terrace at Hamilton's first Tim Horton's Donut Shop


Monday, 11 March 2013

The Poetics of Dr. Phil

Life Code: The New Rules For Winning In The Real World
"Win by winning extremely--be victory itself in your winning poetry"--Dr. Phil McGraw

G'Morning Poetry: What does it mean to win in the context of contemporary innovative poetry?

Dr. Phil: Well, winning is a state of mind whether you are the CEO of a company or just some schmuck poet trying to write the next experimental long-poem.

GP: How does a schmuck poet achieve that italicized state of mind, however?

DP: After you purchase my book you realize that winning is not an external, out-there, tactile thing. You realize that winning exists inside yourself. If you are looking outside yourself then you are going to lose yourself and when you lose yourself your self is a loser. My book helps you be a winner and to win at all costs.

GP: What do you mean "at all costs"?

DP: Do not take no for an answer. Do not settle for second-best. Do not quit until you have achieved the winning dream of your mind. Put that dream in action by winning out there in the world.

GP: In terms of contemporary innovative poetry, however, how would that look? What should we do to win?

DP: Ask yourself, who are my competitors? Your "compoetitors", if you will. Who are these people? Whoever they are you must seek to convince others that these people are losers. Let them carry the loser baggage while you take the next international concord flight towards the country called Total Winningdom and Good Poetry.

GP: Practically, though, how does that look?

DP: Well, let's say you're a contemporary innovative poet like Robert Frost or Maya Angelou or Billy Collins or Peggy Atwood. Do you think these people take "no" for an answer? The answer is "probably not." What you need to do is to get out there and win. Take your best self to the poetry reading. Take your fullest confident ideas of victory and let the public see that on your face. There will be no stopping your poems--there will be no stopping you. In short, use your poems to win the truth of your victory.

GP: Thank you.

DP: Thank you. Win on.