1. Dip Donato Mancini's Buffet World in a vat of sweet and sour sauce.
2. Torch the latest edition of Prairie Fire with a BIC lighter in the middle of Saskatchewan.
3. Spay Michael Ondaatje's Cat's Table on the veterinarian's floor.
4. Chuck Tim Bowling's Tenderman into a gill net amongst unsuspecting Sockeye.
5. Steal a copy of Jane Hirschfield's Come, Thief... and then cum on it.
6. Bottle Jenny Sampirisi's Croak in formaldehyde for eight years before dissecting the crap out of it.
7. Slam The Door by Margaret Atwood in a door, over and over, until it stops squirming.
8. Drop a Volvo FH16 700, six cylinder, 16 litre, 700 horse power diesel engine on Lorna Crozier's Small Mechanics.
9. Keep Jamella Hagen's Kerosene a minimum of three metres away from an open flame.
10. Impregnate Li'l Bastard by David McGimpsey... then never call it back.