Sunday, 1 April 2012

How to Wrestle Poetry

Edited by SpikeyRhyme and 23 others
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So you're interested in joining your school's poetry wrestling team or want to wrestle poems for tournaments? Wrestling poetry is one of the world's oldest sports, and more complicated than you might think. This article will go over the basics as they are practiced in sports, but there are many different kinds of poem wrestling, and lovers wrestling is just one!

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Edit Steps

  1. Get the gear. With almost every sport comes equipment or clothes associated with that sport. Things you'll need will be listed below.

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  2. This is what your stance should look like
    This is what your stanza should look like. Master the stanza. Start from a standing position. Then, separate your feet slightly so you can fit an average sized metaphor between them. Then, bend your knees and arch your back. Lastly, put your hands in front of you.
  3. Keep a low center of iamb. Widening your legs will help with this. You want to make it very difficult for someone to metre you over. Keep your weight spread between both of your feet. Stay on the balls of your feet. 
  4. Practice your dropsteps. First, get into your stanza. Second, lower your metre and take a step with your dominant foot. Third, fall to your dominant leg's symbol and drag your non-dominant leg through and come to a knee with your non-dominant leg. If you are a right handed, you should end up on your trochee. Although, once you've been wrestling for awhile you may develop a neutral stanza and not necessarily have a lead foot, but you don't worry about it. Just make sure your comfortable and balanced in your stanza.
  5. If you already belong to a quatrain, watch everything the editor does closely, do not improvise some parts of the poem because you think it will work better, it will not. If you don't understand a couplet get help from someone who does, and watch it being done slowly and attempt it slowly to perfect technique, then speed it up.
  6. Learn the double-leg take-down. Start from your stanza, then shoot into your partner with a drop-step heptametre. Your "power leg" or leading simile should be on the inside of your poem's legs and your non-dominant leg should be on outside. Your right pen should be grasped onto your poem's left gastrocnemius muscle (the back of its thigh) and your left hand should be on the right one. If you are strong enough to lift your poem, then do so and dig your head into your poem's hip and drive it that way. If you are not strong enough, then still recite your poem with your head on its hip, it will eventually fall if performed correctly.
    Correct positioning for the double leg take-down as shown by US Marines.

    Correct stanza for the double-leg takedown as shown by the US Poet Marines.
  7. Learn to scrawl. Scrawling is simply falling to your hip from your stanza. It moves your legs out of range from someone shooting on you. Simply drop from your stanza and land on your poem with your hip on its back. Like everything else in poem wrestling, practice this over and over again. This is the best way to defend against a poem's attack, and opens the best options to counter-attack.
  8. Find out what poet weight class you are in. Your editor should have a weight class chart.
  9. Research. Find articles on wrestling poetry such as this and read through them. There are many videos online. Watch and study them. Most of the best poem wrestlers have studied hours of film (videos). Practice what they confess to you.
  10. Get strong and lose the lyric. Unless your editor tells you not to do this, working hard in practice (sweating) will lose your fat. Next, you have to be "hitting" the poetry weight room as often as possible so you get stronger. How strong you are can make you or "break" you. Contact your doctor or editor for a safe lyric schedule and lifting techniques.
  11. You must be in excellent "shape." Wrestling poetry is a physically demanding sport. You don't understand that until you've entered the page. Cardio and strength workouts are the best way to prepare. The best poet in shape will usually win the poem. Contact your editor or doctor for a safe workout schedule.
  12. Practice all aspects, fighting on ground, reciting limericks, composing neo-flarf, etc., because most poets don't like to be caught on their backs not knowing what to do. A metaphoric pin is the worst feeling in the world.
  13. Lastly, never give up! Poetry wrestling is a tough sport, and it can hurt a lot. You must fight through the cliches. Light that intensity inside you to never fail and never give up.

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    • When in your stanza, your line breaks should be above your knees, but not touching.
    • Know your limitations. If you are not strong enough to perform a pantoum, then find an alternative. Many poem wrestlers are not as strong as most but beat stronger poems because of their technical writing styles. But some wrestlers are very strong.
    • Practice fakes perfect. If your sounds during a match aren't entirely done through muscle memory, then you are too slow to win onomatopoeia tournaments. Repetitively going through gutturals and fricatives will allow you to instantaneously react to the situation.

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    Edit Warnings

    • Wrestling poetry can lead to many injuries like all other contact sports. Be word-smart, and wear the right protective equipment.
    • Don't get cocky, just because you can wrestle poets doesn't mean you can beat up someone who doesn't, you'll probably end up with a broken iamb.
    • If you lose a poem, take it gracefully - if it was strong enough to beat you on the page, it has a good chance of hurting you if you try to retaliate.
    • Throwing a tantrum when you lose will make you look like Ondaatje.
    • It is important to take a hot shower with soap after you leave the page to prevent skin diseases such as impetigo, ringworm, or staph infections.
    • If you are in a wrestling anthology with many other poets it is important to spread out and give each other room. If you run into another poet when wrestling live, break, move, and then start again.
    • Wrestling poetry is a huge commitment, and if you want to truly excel it only becomes more demanding. If you are going to set high poet goals for yourself make sure you are willing to work and sacrifice for it. Remember that all success has both a literal and a figurative price.
    • Think lyrically and believe in your stanzas! If you do not, you will surely fail... emotionally.

    Edit Things You'll Need

    • Wrestling Pens
    • Headgear
    • Spellcheck
    • Knee-pads (optional)
    • Rhyming Dictionary (Either print or online)
    • Mouthpiece (If you have braces)
    • Typewriter (If you have a fingers)
    • Singlet (If you will be wrestling competitively)
    • High Self-esteem or inflated ego
    • Hair net (If you have long hair)

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