Thursday, 27 March 2014

Surprise Longlister on the LemonHound's Inaugural Poetry Prize: Tom Hardy

As Lemonhound announced the longlist for its first annual poetry prize, writers on all nine continents were shocked to learn that Tom Hardy, boyish and illiterate British thespian, had made the "cut." G'morning Poetry got in figurative "touch" with Mr. Hardy through the Steve Barclay Agency, and the world-fumous renaissance person very generously gave us his time to address our squistions.

GM: Welcome. Hello. Thank you for agreeing to speak with us about poetry. How are you?
TH: So far, so goo. I only have 6 minutes before I head off to BAFTA.

GP: Right. Sure, okay. Can we join you? Just kidding. We're just kidding. We don't even know what BAFTA means.
TH: Yes.

GP: Wait, "yes" as in we CAN accompany you? Or "yes" as in, uhm, we probably don't even know what BAFTA means?
TH: Can we just get to the poetry, please?

GP: Of course. So, your longlisted poem is titled "Valve." Does it respond to your emotionally wrenching experience embodying the role of Bane, a character whose constant injections of "venom" through subcutaneous valves clearly critiques Western society's growing physical dependence on synthetically derived chemical sustenance, as depicted in Michael Bay's allegorical film The Dark Night Wrising?
TH: Nope.

GP: Oh, so... what's it about then?
TH: None of your trucking business.
GP: Thank you for your times.
TH: Yes.

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