| "Oops--but not really"--AM |
G'MORNING, POETRY! is the flagship morning poetry blog on Blogger that we administer for those who need to know *now*.
Friday, 18 October 2013
Thursday, 10 October 2013
Chris Hadfield's Brother, Douggy, Wins Nobel Prize in Literature
The Swedish Academy announced this morning that Douggy Hadfield, a little-known self-published science fiction writer, and brother of world-famous astronaut Commander Chris Hadfield, has won the 2013 Nobel Prize for Literature.
Douggy Hadfield is best known for a linked-cycle of 25 novels (entitled The Evil Commander Series) and is currently working on a new screenplay tentatively entitled Don't Trust the Commander He's Actually Not that Great or Talented. Douggy Hadfield's The Evil Commander Series novels all explore the 23rd Century misadventures of a corrupt, cruel, and self-absorbed space shuttle commander named Kris Hatfield. Kris Hatfield is constantly being either exposed or out-witted by his highly ethical, good-looking, but unlucky brother named Douglas Hadfield. "I publish these stories to help change the world," said Douggy Hadfield. "And also to broach universal issues such as if one person is very popular and wealthy and handsome and another person who just happens to be that person's brother is not very popular or wealthy or handsome then my novels will all explore why the less well-known person's brother is actually very attractive and in the end far more talented than the other guy."
As the 2013 Nobel Laureate, Douggy Hadfield now joins rather exalted literary company including Samuel Beckett, Mo Yan and Seamus Heaney. "It is really gratifying to win this and I wonder what my brother is thinking right now because this award is something huge and he hasn't won it and I definitely have," said Douggy Hadfield. When asked what he'd do with the million dollar reward, Douggy Hadfield said "Well, I'd like to buy the space shuttle because I am actually very wealthy now--more wealthy than your average astronaut even--and am quite interested in space-related matters and I think I'd do a pretty great job up there in space--maybe even a bit better than some people."
Douggy Hadfield is best known for a linked-cycle of 25 novels (entitled The Evil Commander Series) and is currently working on a new screenplay tentatively entitled Don't Trust the Commander He's Actually Not that Great or Talented. Douggy Hadfield's The Evil Commander Series novels all explore the 23rd Century misadventures of a corrupt, cruel, and self-absorbed space shuttle commander named Kris Hatfield. Kris Hatfield is constantly being either exposed or out-witted by his highly ethical, good-looking, but unlucky brother named Douglas Hadfield. "I publish these stories to help change the world," said Douggy Hadfield. "And also to broach universal issues such as if one person is very popular and wealthy and handsome and another person who just happens to be that person's brother is not very popular or wealthy or handsome then my novels will all explore why the less well-known person's brother is actually very attractive and in the end far more talented than the other guy."
As the 2013 Nobel Laureate, Douggy Hadfield now joins rather exalted literary company including Samuel Beckett, Mo Yan and Seamus Heaney. "It is really gratifying to win this and I wonder what my brother is thinking right now because this award is something huge and he hasn't won it and I definitely have," said Douggy Hadfield. When asked what he'd do with the million dollar reward, Douggy Hadfield said "Well, I'd like to buy the space shuttle because I am actually very wealthy now--more wealthy than your average astronaut even--and am quite interested in space-related matters and I think I'd do a pretty great job up there in space--maybe even a bit better than some people."
| Douggy Hadfield, in his basement, working on the Evil Commander Series. |
Sunday, 6 October 2013
Wednesday, 2 October 2013
New NHL Rule Punishes Fighting with Poetry
The NHL announced today its new "poetry" rule that will penalize fighting with a "five minute major penalty that will also entail the offending player, while waiting in the penalty box, reading Canadian poetry aloud." The new ruling has been met with outrage by both the NHLPA and management.
"This is an extreme ruling--and it's totally frightening," said Leafs' enforcer Colton Orr. "The five minute major is one thing but the poetry reading stuff is utterly draconian. I just peed my jock. Jeez--why don't they just have us walk over broken glass or swing hammers at our kneecaps instead?"
"Visors are one think," said Don Cherry during Coach's Corner last night, "but poetry is another think. It's not right and it feels European."
Despite the deep and obvious unpopularity of the new rule, it has managed to remove--in a single day--fighting from hockey. "No one wants to read Canadian poetry," said Leafs Head Coach Randy Carlyle. "This rule is completely vicious."
"This is an extreme ruling--and it's totally frightening," said Leafs' enforcer Colton Orr. "The five minute major is one thing but the poetry reading stuff is utterly draconian. I just peed my jock. Jeez--why don't they just have us walk over broken glass or swing hammers at our kneecaps instead?"
"Visors are one think," said Don Cherry during Coach's Corner last night, "but poetry is another think. It's not right and it feels European."
Despite the deep and obvious unpopularity of the new rule, it has managed to remove--in a single day--fighting from hockey. "No one wants to read Canadian poetry," said Leafs Head Coach Randy Carlyle. "This rule is completely vicious."
 |
| "Please take the Canadian poetry away--I promise never to fight again"--Colton Orr |
Friday, 27 September 2013
Oprah Winfrey Confesses to Being a Sadistic Book Hater
| "Yes, I admit, sometimes I would punch a book's face." |
| "Yes, that's true, I would also slap certain books." |
| "Sometimes, yes, I would do the 'happy slap' so that audiences would think it was all in good fun--but it wasn't... it was all in MEAN and SADISTIC fun." |
| "Often I would whisper 'hey, book, you stink--get away from me' thereby making the book feel very bad--which I liked." |
| "This is the "armpit-procedure." I could be so cruel. |
| "Here I'm pretending to be engaged with Ayana's wit but really I'm just trying to crush this fkin book. I confess." |
Thursday, 26 September 2013
Antonin Artaud's Theatre of Cruelty Selected as an Oprah Book-Club Title
| "Je couldn't be more fkin thrilled." |
| "This book is HAWT!" |
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