Ron Silliman's Recently Received Looks

Scowl (barista)

Fangs (motorist in adjacent vehicle)

Smile (SPD representative)

Wink (mirror)

 

"RoSi ain't nothin' to fuck wit"--Ron Silliman

Ask Antonin Artaud--a New Column for Struggling Poets Everywhere

We are very excited here at GP to introduce our new feature column entitled "Ask Antonin Artaud." We know that a lot of our poetry-writing comrades out there experience many peaks and valleys in their careers (this is a tough job we've all taken on!); and we therefore thought that soliciting the advice of the great Artaud would be a wonderful help to all of us proud practitioners of poesy. So, please do send in your questions as we hope to have Artaud respond to your queries once a week. Please see below for the first installment of "Ask Artaud"! Exciting!

Dear Artaud,
  I think I'm a pretty good young poet but often times my poems are rejected. Do you have any advice for how to keep my spirits up in this demanding way of life that we call poetry?
Sincerely,
Douglas MacKenzie, poet

"Pigshit."

 

 

New Beckett Manuscript Discovered!

The literary world is abuzz with the Beckett Estate's recent announcement that a new Beckett manuscript, Waiting for Frodo, has been discovered at a Value Village in Mississauga, Ontario.  The manuscript was purchased by Douggy Smith, a 45 year old stay-at-home gamer, because he "liked the look of the dot-matrix letters on the pages." Upon purchasing the manuscript (for $2.99 CND or €3000) Mr. Smith immediately showed it to his older brother, Dr. Bruce Smith, a professor of English at Streetsville Community College and a Beckett enthusiast, who thereupon wedgied his brother until he agreed to contact--and even donate Frodo back to--the Beckett Estate. "It was the least I could do" said Douggy. "Because Dr. Smith was wedgy-ing me and stuff at the time."

Waiting for Frodo centers on a pair of vagrant men (Aragorn and Legolas) and their efforts to divert themselves while waiting, on a vague pretense, for the arrival of a furry man named Frodo, whom they only know by reputation. To occupy the time they philosophize, sleep, argue, sing, exercise, swap hats, kill orcs and consider suicide – anything "to hold the terrible silence at bay."

According to the Beckett Estate the manuscript is worth about $5.99 CND or €6000.

"I wrote Frodo for the laughs"--Sam B.

Risque Photographs & Audacious Sound-Bites of Famous Poets Pooping

"Ehhhn"

"Ehhhn"

"Like playing tennis without shorts on"

"Om"

"Éhhn"

"Money"

An Interview with Mark Edmundson about his Polemical Harper's Essay Entitled "Poetry Slam Or, the Decline of American Verse"

G'Morning Poetry: Mark!

Mark Edmundson: Good afternoon.

GP: Marky!

ME: Hello.

GP: Markay!

ME:

GP: Marky Mark!

ME:

GP: The Mark! El Marko!

ME:

GP: Markness!

ME:

GP: Markitude!

ME:

GP: Markimillion! Markibillion!

ME:

GP: Meester Mark! Master Mark!

ME:

GP: Markman! Markwoman! Markgender! Markjudithbutler! Dr. Mark! Dr. Markest! Dr. Maaaark!

ME:

GP: What do you mean by "leafing through a volume of Robert Lowell's poetry?"

ME: I mean--

GP: What does "leafing" mean?

ME: Leafing? Well it means to read or turn pages.

GP: Uh huh.

ME: Leafing.

GP: And what does "subtlety and melancholy grace" mean?

ME: Well.

GP: What does "haunted" mean and what is a "haunting sound"?

ME: Well--

GP: And what does "ambition" mean?

ME: If you'll--

GP: More to the point, look at this image here, please:

Mark Edmundson

Are you looking at this photograph of yourself?

ME: Yes.

GP: Okay--do you consider this a full-lotus position? Cos it's not. You're cheating here.

ME: What?

GP: Now look at this pic, please:

Mark Edmundson

Now, why did you ask the Yale graduating class of 2012 here to pull your finger? Why'd you do that?

ME: What?

GP: We think it was totally ambitious and we applaud you. Good day, sir, and g'morning poetry!

Upper Body Workout Suggestions from Northrop Frye (excerpted from his book Creation/Recreation/Hitting the Gym)

I AM A LITERARY CRITIC, mainly concerned with English literature, but I have recently developed a special interest in the way that "working out" has affected the structure and imagery of that literature. The first word to attract one's notice in both fields is the word deltoids. Page one of the Bible says that God created the deltoids. In this book I should like to look at certain aspects of the conception or metaphor of "getting ripped," as it applies to both its divine and its human context, and, also, at what effect the extending of the same phrase  to cover these areas has had on our habits of thought.                                                                                                                

Place one fist over your other hand. Now try to lift your lowest hand. Oh it's a humdinger of an exercise--but you can do it!

Try to curl two books at once. It's a doozy but you can do it! Think fierce thoughts, as I am doing here.

Try these digit-extensions. William Blake swore by them. They're real burners but you can do it!

Now you're ready for the beach--as I am here. You can do it!

GP's Awards for Canadian Authors Doing Truly Impolite Things

Judges: "We really liked the impoliteness of Pierre Berton rubbing his underarm sweat on the GG nominees. Incendiary."

Judges: "We really liked the impoliteness of Anne Michaels writing 'fuck you' on her honorary degree from Wawa University. Daring"

Judges: "We really liked the impoliteness of Mr. Ondaatje pooping in Peter Mansbridge's chair. Bold."

Judges: "We really liked the impoliteness of Yann Martel throwing his Frisbee at Adrienne Clarkson's face. Audacious."

Judges: "We really liked the impoliteness of Mr. Cohen trying to pop off Ms. Vega's head. Avant-garde."